Photo by João Silas / Unsplash

Goodbye power walking, hello structured workout plan!

Because my 300 sq ft apartment THAT I SHARE WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING feels a little claustrophobic at times, I've decided to take my workouts to the gym.

I'm a person who overanalyzes everything, so I managed to turn a relatively mundane event into a blog post. Down below is a thoughtful collection of all the people I've encountered at the gym.



Optimists are easy to spot. Typically they're a party of one and gravitate toward outfits that aren't exactly gym appropriate. Maybe they're sporting jorts or that free company tshirt, but the qualifier here is the lack of sweat because they don't actually work out.

They are nice, but eager souls and I don't blame them. Dating is hard, especially if you don't want to meet people on the internet. I commend optimists for having the courage to approach strangers face-to-face. You just don't see that anymore.

Simply put, they would more than love the opportunity to meet their next romantic partner, "organically". They'll quickly take their conversation outside of the gym where they feel the more comfortable-- to giggle over macaroons and shamefully admit they purchased a membership just to get dates.

Optimists play nice with other Optimists.


Photo by Henri Meilhac / Unsplash

Although they pay $29.99 [or less] a month just like everyone else, these people firmly believe they own the gym. They hang out in the scary free weight section and question your presence with body language alone. Intimidation tactics include grunting, intense eye contact and forming groups.

A key indicator of a King is the looming feeling they will approach you any minute and outline all the things you're doing wrong. I encourage everyone to yell loudly when this happens. We have to band together.

When it comes to relationships, they are close cousins to Optimists. Kings are not against finding a hottie patottie while pumping iron, but pumping iron most certainly comes first.


Explorers come from all walks of life. Maybe they've never been to the gym or maybe they just aren't athletic, but they have zeo idea what they're doing.

Often times you'll find them aimlessly walking around trying to look busy or reading machine directions.

These people are inspirations and deserve a gold medal for getting their butts to the gym.


In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you ❤️

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Regulation Hotties make me so happy. They come to the gym in full glam, with outfits that have a lot of strategically placed cut outs. They love showing off their tight bod and everyone is jealous because they work out hard, but manage to look good while doing it.

You'll find them doing all the complicated en vogue exercises that are nothing short of a cirus act, in the open studio room where most people go to hid.

Regulation Hotties pair well with Kings.


These people are so comfortable at the gym, they get naked in the locker room. Nudists arrive in groups and often frequent the hot tub or sauna. When they feel like livin' on the edge, they'll jump on the bike for a quick stationary ride, but that's about it. While most pay for memberships to get in shape, Nudists enjoy all the cost-effective spa amenities their local gym has to offer and of course socializing, sans clothes.

It's important to note this group is skewed female as men seem to have zero issue being in their birthday suit in front of their peers. [Comment down below if you have any theories about this or if you disagree].



Gal Pals have been Zumba-ing and brunching hard for 10 years. Zumba is the highlight of their week and everyone in their family knows better than to call them during a class. New instructors give them anxiety, but their flashy outfits and close-knit fit group really keep them going.


Rowers are super mysterious and I have a crush on all of them. I see them as beautiful ballerina's who simply enjoy another form of excerise. Society has led me to believe all of them come from families who invented important, yet forgotten things, like the typewriter or clocks. I snap out of it once I realize they, too, are 24 Hour Fitness members.

You'll never find them in the scary free weight section and if they do anything outside of the row machine, it's likely the treadmill.

Rowers are the underrated gems of the gym.



Forest Gumps love running and power walking. They've carefully studied the gyms traffic patterns so they know exactly the right time to grab a treadmill with a TV, hopefully during Real Housewives.

They don't stray too far from what they know and they are 100% okay with it.


Although I've never been in contact with someone who goes to the gym solely to play basketball, I love the idea of them. These people seem to have the most fun.

There's lots of laughter, high-fives and ridiculous celebrations over mediocre layups.

Keep on, keeping on.


In the depths of the internet, there's a massive Fit-Inspo-Gym-Shark-wearing movement. These Influencers are an extension of Regulation Hotties.

They are the first promote the advantages of wearing waist trainers while lifting weights and have zero shame about vlogging in Planet Fitness while the average Joe is doing something weird on the machine behind them.

Until next time..



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