A SHORT ESSAY ON MATURITY AND MAKING SENSE OF LIFE

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I'm 26 and lost. I chuckle because this is so textbook, but then again this is my first time being 26 so I really don't know know what I'm talking about.

This feels oddly similar to puberty, but without the help of those awkward classes that teach you how to "become a woman" through pancake uterus videos and coloring books full of vaginas.

Why isn't a class about life obligatory when you turn 25?

I'm confused, immature, but kind of a grandma all at the same time. Cramps and acne are also back. WHAT IS THIS.


When I was in elementary school I was convinced people had their lives together after college, but most certainly before 28.

Sure, I didn't understand what alcohol was or that people had sex with each other at this point, but honestly I thought it just worked out and people had the answers to, well, everything. This was all validated by babies, partly because my 3rd grade perspective thought everyone got married and had babies at 28 (I blame my Midwest roots for this one). Yes, I assumed babies magically turned you into an adult.. not always the case.

Turns out, life is really complicated.

My sheltered little eyeballs saw the world how it really was the second the last of all my friends siblings graduated high school, no longer did parents have to plan their schedules around day-to-day babysitting duties.

At this point in my life, I saw what I considered to be stable and responsible parents ("adults"), turning into wild animals. Sure, I loved this and thought it was great - parents totally deserve to celebrate their freedom - but this made everything all too confusing.

DO WE EVER REALLY GROW UP?


Let's fast-forward through college because [let's be honest] everyone was too drunk to care about important life things.

After college I went to grad school because I'm an idiot (but we won't go there in this post). That period of my life was probably the weirdest, next to college. There I found myself sitting in purgatory, waiting for adulthood, alone in California. Terrifying and thrilling all at the same time.

From there I got a job that I liked, so that worked out okay.

Even with my life on paper sort-of-ish figured out, there are still things I just can't wrap my head around:


CLOTHES

Where on earth are we supposed to shop for "hot" clothes. Sure, my closet is packed with things I'd wear to work or a wedding, but where are the things us single ladies need to wear to the bars? Shooting for something in between a bra top and a turtleneck. I'm ashamed to admit I still frequent Forever 21 for this purpose, only to buy things that don't fit well and fall apart in the washer. This relationship must stop.

Next move is online, but that only works out half the time. I never return anything and it ends up sitting in my closet until that day I decide to donate to Goodwill.


WOMAN VS. GIRL

So confusing. Sometimes I refer myself to as a woman and sometimes I refer to myself as a gal, girl, lady and hot mama depending on the situation.

But really, when does this transition happen? There are many theories running around and I'm not 100% onboard with any of them. If you have any ideas, please share. Here's the current list:

  • Losing your virginity
  • Falling in love
  • Having a baby
  • Dave Chappelle believes it's when you wear start wearing jackets to a bar

I feel like it's going to be one of those things that will haunt me for another 10 years or maybe even forever.


DATING

Again, we run into the same problem with boy, guy, man. Why do some situations still feel like a 7th grade dance? Do I want a man versus a boy? At what point is someone considered a "man"?

Moving on. So, it's 2015 and women are killin' it. However, this makes dating a little more complicated. We want power and success, but with boys-guys-men we still want doors opened for us and dinners paid for. Admittedly, I really don't know what to say about this one, maybe we are greedy bitches and want it all.

One last thing, could someone please share the path to exclusiveness? I have zero idea how that works. When is it acceptable to have that conversation? Now that "dating" has progressed to dinner dates and activities outside of meeting at bars, this is all very real.


BAKING

Shouldn't this be easy by now? I still burn things and most often Google makes decisions for me. When Moms taste things and say "This needs more nutmeg" it blows my mind. When will I gain this wisdom? Sure, I can follow a recipe, but baking is train wreck. Even if you follow it perfectly it never comes out right. Don't even try to tell me I "need to get to know my oven". My oven and I are very close.


GENERAL LIFE THINGS

  • Is it creepy that I secretly like One Direction?
  • Am I ever going to like salad?
  • Why do I still hate wearing my hair down?

In short, I still don't understand the lifecycle of maturity or when I'm going to actually feel like an adult, but that's okay. Everyone has to go through these growing pains and I have a hunch that the journey of marriage, bringing your first child into this world and menopause may just have this gray area beat in terms of complicated.

I'll just hang out and hope the universe points me in the right direction. Alternatively, if I end up like Baddie Winkle, I'll be happy just the same .

#stateofwinkle @dimepiecela

A photo posted by @baddiewinkle on


There already seems to be some similarities anyway.



XO,

DISCO VEGAN



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