Photo by Eric Nopanen / Unsplash

Changing your life is a super interesting exercise.

In an effort to maintain my pleasant 'tude and avoid having my heart explode, I've made the executive decision to take a breather and focus on myself.

If I had to describe the past few years in three words I'd use: exhausting, meh, and uncomfortable (but in a good way).

Up until a couple hours ago, I was a zombie- working entirely way too much, commuting almost two hours each way and living in places that were comparable to a college dorm. [Only two of the above still hold true and we'll chalk that up as success. I work a ton and it's my first night living in a house with eight other people].

My life continues to get weirder and weirder..

Yes, I'm a millennial and I just complained about working too much. Although absolutely predictable, I'm certainly no stranger to hard work and long hours. Pretty sure my family would disown me if they heard otherwise, "When we came to this country we didn't even have shoes..."

Working too much becomes a problem when you look around and realize you hate everything- especially the time spent outside of work. There are things you can change and there are things you can't. I've decided to fix the things I have control over.

It took me a great deal of time to finally tell myself to sit down and relax. If you know me, this is no small feat. I'm so ridiculously stubborn it's hard, even for me, to tell myself to do something. I also don't happen to have an off button.

My weekends felt like a balancing act between using my age as the sole basis for saying yes [when I should've said no] and feeling constantly fatigued.

So, I put myself in a eight month timeout to recharge and honestly, I'm considering an extension.

Adulting. It's happening. No, not in the I-set-up-my-401k-while-drunk kind of way.

FOMO is something of the distant past and my focus now is on an aggressive savings plan, living consciously and becoming the best human I can be.

Admittedly, I've been selfish lately, but I'd argue it's way past due. I say yes way too much and I do things for people that result in a major inconvenience, typically without the other party knowing.

Maybe it's the Midwest in me or maybe it's just who I am, but it's my own fault and I'm exhausted. Everyone else gets a lot more of my love than, you guessed it, me.

Or some might say I've fallen off the face of the earth.

I genuinely enjoy helping others, but I think a milestone in growing up is identifying when you've put too much on your own shoulders. I am not superwoman, I am a normal person with a job and responsibilities just like everyone else. My free time is limited so I need to take advantage of it fully.

So, I've consolidated, simplified and put serenity on my priority list.

This timeout has been amazing. Here's some of the things I've done:

  • Sailed in the Pacific
  • Explored more of Wine country
  • Experienced my first mud bath
  • Hiked some amazing trails around the bay
  • Hung out in the middle of nowhere in a really cute cabin, with a really cute guy
  • Learned to play tennis
  • Committed to weekly Yoga
  • Joined a softball team
  • Met my initial "get healthy" goal- 30 pounds, pretty crazy.

In being selfish, here are some things I've learned about myself along the way:

  • I've accepted the fact that lettuce and I will never get along
  • I am much more introverted than I ever thought was possible
  • I am much more nerdy than I realized
  • I am passionate about art, creating things and equality for all breathing things
  • I still have a lot of work to do in the self-confidence arena
  • I don't like doing things that are "cool" even if I secretly like them and I hate myself for it - you'll never see me snap a face swap or barfing rainbows -sigh-
  • I still hate Disney Land

It's been a wild journey and it's everything I needed it would be - don't be afraid to be selfish once in a while.



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