Photo by Vitaliy Paykov / Unsplash

Ugh, I've missed you.

Haven't wrote in forever and I'm happy to share my colors are finally returning after quitting my job, having the best time of my life in Palm Springs and dancing like a queen at Coachella.

I am freshly unemployed as I left my very safe and secure job just last week. In order to land this job a year and a half ago, I applied to 123 others. While my head tells me this is scary and the voyage to a new gig won't be easy, my heart says live on the edge.

Do you ever feel like something bigger is meant for you?

Perhaps it's my Leo ascendent giving me this false sense of hope, but I just don't feel like I'm on the right path. Something feels very wrong.

I struggle with my views around money, success and how happiness is intertwined. This further complicates the situation.

Some days, I want to be suit-wearing powerhouse and other days I want to be a barefooted-crystal-wearing gal doing tarot readings.

I often fantasize about earning a living by creating things in my own shitty loft space. By things, I mean anything ranging from exceptionally loud earrings to sassy greeting cards to painting animals with top hats because I can't make up my mind.

Here's a list of all the things I've wanted to be when I "grew up", starting from the beginning:

  • Actress
  • Weatherwoman
  • Postwoman
  • Chef
  • Journalist
  • Artist
  • Fashion Designer
  • Interior Designer
  • Stand Up Comedian
  • Wedding Planner
  • Psychologist
  • Sex Therapist
  • Professor
  • Blogger
  • Data Scientist

I've ignored nearly all these ideas and took the textbook route my elementary school teachers encouraged instead. Shout out to Mrs. Cellio, Mrs. Tavitan, Mrs. Brown and my favorite 5th grade teacher I can't remember the name of because I went to college, grad school, got a job with a 401k, health insurance and financial security. BOOM.

While there is a sense of pride in my accomplishments, I don't feel at all complete. I haven't found my "thing". I have, however, learned I am capable of anything I decide to do, which is a good start.

I'll leave you with a little Casey Neistat for all my friends out there who are also searching for their purpose.

Don't worry, we'll get there. Promise.



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